My ego is bruised, rather badly. But I’ll be OK because my soul is fine (apart from the scars it already has from our infertility journey, but they’ve just made me stronger – you know scar tissue can’t bleed anymore).
When we always feed our ego, we starve our soul. And you wouldn’t want your soul to go hungry.
I’m focusing on feeding my soul.
But my ego is hungry and bruised and what’s more I’m hung-over as I write, so I hope this makes sense (and I really need a big, greasy breakfast).
I missed out on a job that I deserved. My ego will assert itself, and rightly so. My soul is sighing with relief though I think. I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say I think the universe is trying to wake me up. Shake me up. Put a rocket up my ass!
Starting with me acknowledging my ‘failure’ and my bruised ego.
I reckon this is one of those times when the universe doesn’t give you what you want, but gives you what you need.
But right now I’m angry – which is a much better response than feeling NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
I am good enough and it wouldn’t matter what job I had – we are all born ENOUGH and in simply striving to be better we are good enough.
You can never be defined by the roles you play – they will never be enough to capture who you are – ALL that you are. Even when it is a role that did I mention I deserved!
I will move through my anger, which is what you have to do (or it turns to resentment and eats you up inside). But I will keep that fire in my belly.
It’s OK to feed the ego enough to get you motivated (did I mention my you-tube channel has topped 32,000 views)!
I will focus on feeding my soul.
I processed my job news over the weekend, suspecting my lack of success (well it wasn’t my ‘lack’ but someone else’s ‘better’, apparently). But I had to wait until yesterday to have the ‘bad news’ confirmed, hence my heightened anger and my hangover this morning.
So right now the bruise on my ego is still big, purple-blue and ugly, and sore, along with my head. But the bruise will fade greenish-yellow until it has gone. I don’t think it’s common to die from bruising.
I think it is common to wallow for a while – once the anger fades I will allow myself that (we all should allow ourselves that much), but I won’t allow myself a pity party.
Especially not when my soul might just be celebrating.
I will say something though, in my anger, while it is still hot and hungry.
We women sacrifice so much in terms of career to have families, and for me, being robbed of my fertility also saw my career choices stolen from me and I shouldn’t have to, but still am, paying the price.
It isn’t really fair that some guy with ‘international experience’ should get the job, but still it happens.
I’m not perfect, but I am enough.
Separating ego from soul, exposing who you really are – that is the job of disappointment. I didn’t get the job, but I have been gifted disappointment.
I am grateful for the disappointment that is shining a light on my soul (although right now I’m still angry, bruised and really hungover).
We can use life’s disappointments and struggles to see our egos for what they are – they can only ever be external representations of who we really are – the show we put on for the world to see.
Our egos can be ‘judged’ not good enough, but our souls can never be.
If our egos don’t serve our souls, we should stop feeding them, or at least put them on a diet.
The diet starts tomorrow, once the hangover is gone, and the bruising starts to fade.
Will you join with me in feeding your soul?
(thanks to Essentially Jess for making me get up at 5am, hungover and bruised and still blog, because it’s Tuesday).
Now subscribe to my list and make me feel better, PLEASE.
Cheers (or not so much)