I’ve gone from feeling defeated, deflated, to excited, elated. Life’s like that.
Like most people I’ve felt the rush of extreme emotion – despair, rage, acute sorrow, overwhelming joy, unconditional love.
I’ve felt my heart beating out of my chest with fear, dread. I’ve felt guilt and shame wash over me like a red hot heat. I’ve felt the dance of butterflies in my stomach, sweaty palms, goose bumps, tingling fingers and feet.
But I’ve never experienced quite the physical sensation of literally bursting with pride.
Alert – proud mama-bear boast – Miss Yin was awarded Most Promising Junior, 12 and under, Street Jam Dance Studio.
The awards were given at the end of their fantastic concert, featuring all the studio’s dance students – from the cute four year olds who barely know how to tap their feet, all shy and stage-struck and so very funny to watch, to the group from the’ Dance to your abilities’ class of kids with Downs Syndrome who beamed with excitement as they rocked Grease Lightning and everyone clapped along, and the talented senior groups who performed dance after dance in slick and energetic style.
Amongst them was our ten year old, who performed in five group dances (3 jazz numbers, 1 ballet and a beautiful contemporary dance piece) plus the finale, and who did us proud. All the girls danced well, and Miss Yin was up-front much of the time, with little solo parts choreographed for her.
So perhaps we shouldn’t have been surprised when her name was called out, and I wasn’t really.
But that didn’t stop the physical reaction – tears of joy welled instantly and pride puffed up my chest so I felt like I couldn’t breathe as I tried to stop myself bawling with happiness. How embarrassing. I was bursting.
Of course I’ve been proud before – of my kids, my husband, friends and family, even myself. I’m honoured to be my kids Mum and feel that strong well of pride at things they do, large and small, at their kindness, their childhood innocence.
This was something even stronger, and in that ‘full of delight’ moment, I realised that my anger and frustration and worries about work amounted to so little in the glow of something so bright.
So I went from feeling deflated to elated and this was always going to happen – the dance concert was always going to be great, Miss Yin was slated for the award even though we didn’t know it for sure, the universe was always going to unfold just exactly the way it did. Perfectly.
I realise anew that my work isn’t a priority amongst the main job of being a Mum and the time and energy I know it will take to help our daughter’s star shine as a dancer (if that’s what she wants to do). Don’t worry I won’t be one of those awful ‘Dance Moms’.
Work will never be a priority when compared to the joy and pride and busyness of raising strong, resilient, confident and compassionate children.
This post is more than just an excuse to boast and include beautiful photos of my daughter (indulge me in one more).
Here are some takeaways.
1. Allow yourself to feel pride – it is not something to be ashamed of. Australian culture likes to knock success and we woman have been conditioned to be un-assuming. Pride in others (the flip side of compassion) and in yourself, is a very positive emotion (as long as it doesn’t turn into arrogance or narcissism).
2. Believe that the universe (God) always has a plan, even when you don’t see it, even when it is staring you in the face.
3. Know that the universe always brings things back to balance –all my feelings of being beaten-down turned from deflation to elation so completely, those bad feelings more than overcome by pride and joy. And in the process you receive the gift of perspective, if you are willing to accept it.
Love to know about the times you have felt ‘bursting with pride’. Let’s celebrate.
Linking up with the lovely Jess for IBOT.