The chapter has been closed, the book shut, and as much as I want it to be different, I can’t change the end of the story. I’m sad – there is no happily ever after to this tale.
I’m sorry to be cryptic, but there are some things that are too personal to share, that would hurt others in the telling, and yet offer lessons that are worth sharing.
This week, as we holiday in a kind of paradise called Brunswick Heads, sadness found its way to even this special place, in sharp contrast to the holiday happiness. Yin and yang.
The chapter didn’t come to some kind of natural close, and there was no real dramatic, climactic ending, just the only, sad conclusion possible that the book had been shut and the story could not end otherwise.
And these are the lessons I’ve learned, or that have been reinforced for me, through the whole sorry saga.
You cannot force someone to love you
You can give your love, you can do your best to make it unconditional, but sometimes this is not enough. This is not a reflection on you, but on the person who decides not to receive your love and not to give theirs.
It is enough that you love
Giving your love is what you need to do, even if it is undeserved. If you offer it freely, and it is rejected, then you have done enough.
You cannot force someone to change
Change is part of life, yet some people resist it despite your love. But you can’t give love and expect change, because only the receiver can make the change.
It is enough that you are prepared to change
Loving someone equates to being prepared to change for them, but such change can’t compromise your values. It is enough that you are willing to grow for yourself (and another person) but you should never let yourself (and your values) die for the sake of someone.
You cannot force someone to seek forgiveness, nor to accept yours
Just because you forgive someone for what they have done to you, does not mean they will acknowledge that there is anything for them to be forgiven for, even when it is serious hurt.
It is enough that you forgive
No matter whether your forgiveness helps to heal a relationship or not, you have helped yourself to heal in forgiving. It is always better to forgive.
We belong when we connect
We connect with each other and form unbreakable bonds through unconditional love.
A while ago I shared a short excerpt I’ve written on love – indulge me in sharing it again as it feels right in this post.
“Unconditional love is a love that joins, not shackles. It is a love that unites, not trusses together. It’s a love that inspires and motivates, not compels and obliges.
Unconditional love does not force itself and demand loyalty, nor does it seek exceptions or make excuses. It is not contrived by circumstances, but is constant regardless of them.
To love unconditionally is not to have to try hard, but to try as hard as you possibly can. Always. Forever.”
We find a sense of belonging through love and that is what I feel this week, in connecting with my extended family and celebrating the ritual that is our annual holiday tradition.
This connection cannot be forced even with love, forgiveness and willingness to/acceptance of change.
Some bonds are breakable, and the only way to find happiness beyond the sadness is to accept this and close the chapter.
Tomorrow is a new day. (Linking up With Some Grace for FYBF)