The chapter has been closed, the book shut, and as much as I want it to be different, I can’t change the end of the story. I’m sad – there is no happily ever after to this tale.
I’m sorry to be cryptic, but there are some things that are too personal to share, that would hurt others in the telling, and yet offer lessons that are worth sharing.
This week, as we holiday in a kind of paradise called Brunswick Heads, sadness found its way to even this special place, in sharp contrast to the holiday happiness. Yin and yang.
Brunswick sunset
The chapter didn’t come to some kind of natural close, and there was no real dramatic, climactic ending, just the only, sad conclusion possible that the book had been shut and the story could not end otherwise.
And these are the lessons I’ve learned, or that have been reinforced for me, through the whole sorry saga.
You cannot force someone to love you
You can give your love, you can do your best to make it unconditional, but sometimes this is not enough. This is not a reflection on you, but on the person who decides not to receive your love and not to give theirs.
It is enough that you love
Giving your love is what you need to do, even if it is undeserved. If you offer it freely, and it is rejected, then you have done enough.
You cannot force someone to change
Change is part of life, yet some people resist it despite your love. But you can’t give love and expect change, because only the receiver can make the change.
It is enough that you are prepared to change
Loving someone equates to being prepared to change for them, but such change can’t compromise your values. It is enough that you are willing to grow for yourself (and another person) but you should never let yourself (and your values) die for the sake of someone.
You cannot force someone to seek forgiveness, nor to accept yours
Just because you forgive someone for what they have done to you, does not mean they will acknowledge that there is anything for them to be forgiven for, even when it is serious hurt.
It is enough that you forgive
No matter whether your forgiveness helps to heal a relationship or not, you have helped yourself to heal in forgiving. It is always better to forgive.
We belong when we connect
We connect with each other and form unbreakable bonds through unconditional love.
A while ago I shared a short excerpt I’ve written on love – indulge me in sharing it again as it feels right in this post.
“Unconditional love is a love that joins, not shackles. It is a love that unites, not trusses together. It’s a love that inspires and motivates, not compels and obliges.
Unconditional love does not force itself and demand loyalty, nor does it seek exceptions or make excuses. It is not contrived by circumstances, but is constant regardless of them.
To love unconditionally is not to have to try hard, but to try as hard as you possibly can. Always. Forever.”
We find a sense of belonging through love and that is what I feel this week, in connecting with my extended family and celebrating the ritual that is our annual holiday tradition.
This connection cannot be forced even with love, forgiveness and willingness to/acceptance of change.
Some bonds are breakable, and the only way to find happiness beyond the sadness is to accept this and close the chapter.
Tomorrow is a new day. (Linking up With Some Grace for FYBF)
Brunswick sunrise
16 Comments on “Closing a chapter”
Ahh Kathy. I’m so very sorry to hear you are sad and that a chapter in your life has closed. I think acceptance and forgiveness are the key things to get you through this time. As you say, tomorrow is a new day. Sending you hugs and positive vibes.
Thanks Renee – even a few days later I’m allowing it to fade into the background – most of the loss I dealt with already but it has been hard to accept the finality of it.
Oh Kathy, this feels very serious to me. I know the details are private, but the sadness and your hurt are very open right here on this page. Sending you my love and light and wishing you comfort during what seems to be a very difficult time xx
Thanks Josefa – I really appreciate your support.
What lovely images to accompany a bitter sweet post. You write with love of love, and with experience too. I often say that love is a verb not a noun and it shows itself in action.
Seana – I love the concept of love being active – even when it is hard to keep loving it is worth it and I’m sure it is the secret to getting through most anything.
I don’t think it was too cryptic at all. I think anyone could relate to these words without knowing exactly what you are talking about. Sending you lots of love and healing for what sounds like a really troubling and trying time. xo
Thanks Aroha – I can feel your love and hugs in cyberspace – we should aim for a Gold Coast catch up before Christmas if possible.
Sorry you are going through these feelings, it is hard to close a book when so much emotion is involved. Lots of love at this time, hoping the dog eared pages settle quickly for you xxx
Thanks Alicia – I like the imagery of the dog-eared pages – the book is full of some good memories even thought sadness has closed it now.
Kathy try and remain in this post – it’s good, you have given yourself wise words and actions – don’t stray far from this and you will get through the loss, keep writing and loving – you are a beautiful woman x
Oh Kim – your words are so lovely and encouraging and I know that writing, and reading such lovely comments, is helping me through.
Whatever happened at least you are free now to move on to something better. I wish you greener pastures.
Thanks – I think we have to free ourselves of negative/sad energy to be able to move forward to better things.
Beautiful words Kathy in the midst of what is obviously great pain and sadness. I hope that the new dawn brings a new story of love and fulfillment. xx
Thanks Caz for your lovely support.