Endings and beginning again

Kathy Krugerchange, go with the flow, motherhood14 Comments

And-they-lived-hanging

What is it about us humans that can make us so sad about endings and so fearful of beginnings? And why can’t we just be happy (or at least circumspect/hopeful) about both ending something old and starting something new?

This week we celebrated (hint happiness – then why do I feel so sad?) our Miss Yin finishing primary school. There was a lovely graduation ceremony and a party (you know happy times) and she wore this black dress with lace overlay and the chorus line heels from her dance concert.

She looked so grown up and I felt a bit sad. Proud but sad. Sad that my little girl is growing up far too fast, yet happy too. Happy that she’s growing up and becoming her own (mostly) beautiful person, yet fearful too. Fearful she’ll be swallowed up in a big new school, yet excited for her too.

Proud and sad and scared and happy.

This is how we deal with change in our crazy, chaotic minds. The oscillating emotions, the hijacking of our happiness by our fear, the denial of our sadness as just a natural step in growing. We’re a weird bunch us humans.

And as we reach the end of the first year of school for Little Yang there’s sadness too. And fear. And pride. We’ve decided (or I should say I decided and pretty much cajoled hubby into agreement) that it’s best for him to repeat Prep. He’s having language issues and is in speech therapy, which is helping, but his reading and writing are still well below expectations and the language issues are affecting his learning right across the board. Our bright and charming little guy settled well into school, easily made friends and even managed to be as organised as the next kid with his new school routines, and yet he needs to begin again.

And he’s sad, and a bit angry, and a bit scared and while we can proudly celebrate him finishing his first year of school, he still has to begin again.

So I feel a bit sad, yet there’s happiness too that he’ll have some breathing space to catch up with his language and hope that it will make a big difference with his learning and a little bit of fear in case it doesn’t make much of a difference at all.

And so chapters open, and close and sometimes we need to read them over again to make sense of things. Sometimes things only make sense when the story is over.

There are sad bits in the plot and then there are those bits that we make sad because we choose not to be happy or let fear overtake the story. There are endings that are only possible because we have the courage to begin again, and beginnings that are only possible because we have the courage to end something else.

And there’s the in between… Kathy. X.

Are you usually sad when something ends? (Linking up with Grace for FYBF)

Namaste sign off_edited-1

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Kathy KrugerEndings and beginning again

14 Comments on “Endings and beginning again”

  1. writeofthemiddle

    Well yes this is something I can very much relate to Kathy, particularly as I’m a little further along the parenting ‘journey’ (sorry to use that word) than you. I was sad when my kids finished primary school. I remember the tearful graduation ceremonies. I was happy, sad, afraid, excited when they finished high school. We were entering a whole new world of no more school! They all went on to Uni and the hardest part for me was when they turned 18 and I no longer had a right or ability to control most aspects of their life in a way I thought was in their best interest for development and safety. I had to step back and trust that I had done my job well and they would make wise choices. Now I soon face another huge challenge – on New Years Day my daughter flies to Europe (alone) and will be away from me for two months. Parenting is very rewarding but gee it can be a tough gig at times! 😉

    1. Kathy Kruger

      I guess we just keep moving forward letting ourselves be a little bit sad but also being happy for our kids. It doesn’t sound like it really gets any easier but the rewards are worth it.

    1. Kathy Kruger

      Thanks Erika – it feels like this post fits your blog title ‘every changing life of a Mum’. We can’t stop it can we! Right now getting our Little Yang to begin again is hard, but I’m pretty sure it is going to make sense in the fullness of time.

  2. Lydia C. Lee

    I’ve got one finishing primary, and it will be the end of a 11 year association with a school (got a different school for the last one). Not sad, very excited for him. Big adventures await. (and I feel I’ve done my time, and things will be easier for me without that extra loop in the mornings and afternoons). But ask me again when the last one finishes, and finishes high school…that may be the tear jerking finality.

  3. This Charming Mum

    I’m always a big mix of conflicting emotions at this time of year. My youngest had his kindy graduation recently. It was lovely and he was so proud of himself – he’s very ready for school next year so it’s all good. And yet – sad! I hope your grown up girl is excited about high school? The years really do pass quickly eh?

    1. Kathy Kruger

      I guess it is just about balancing out those mixed feelings as best we can Lara and making sure we don’t let time slip by too quickly by not staying present.

  4. Deborah

    Stunning pictures! I wrote something about the whole ‘happily ever after’ thing, because it’s so often used at the end of fairy tales but the prince and princess (etc) have just gotten together so it’s really the beginning…

    1. Kathy Kruger

      You’re right Deborah – I think we like to freeze the end of fairytales as though nothing will every change from that happy point. Of course things do, for ‘good’ and ‘bad’.

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