What is it about us humans that can make us so sad about endings and so fearful of beginnings? And why can’t we just be happy (or at least circumspect/hopeful) about both ending something old and starting something new?
This week we celebrated (hint happiness – then why do I feel so sad?) our Miss Yin finishing primary school. There was a lovely graduation ceremony and a party (you know happy times) and she wore this black dress with lace overlay and the chorus line heels from her dance concert.
She looked so grown up and I felt a bit sad. Proud but sad. Sad that my little girl is growing up far too fast, yet happy too. Happy that she’s growing up and becoming her own (mostly) beautiful person, yet fearful too. Fearful she’ll be swallowed up in a big new school, yet excited for her too.
Proud and sad and scared and happy.
This is how we deal with change in our crazy, chaotic minds. The oscillating emotions, the hijacking of our happiness by our fear, the denial of our sadness as just a natural step in growing. We’re a weird bunch us humans.
And as we reach the end of the first year of school for Little Yang there’s sadness too. And fear. And pride. We’ve decided (or I should say I decided and pretty much cajoled hubby into agreement) that it’s best for him to repeat Prep. He’s having language issues and is in speech therapy, which is helping, but his reading and writing are still well below expectations and the language issues are affecting his learning right across the board. Our bright and charming little guy settled well into school, easily made friends and even managed to be as organised as the next kid with his new school routines, and yet he needs to begin again.
And he’s sad, and a bit angry, and a bit scared and while we can proudly celebrate him finishing his first year of school, he still has to begin again.
So I feel a bit sad, yet there’s happiness too that he’ll have some breathing space to catch up with his language and hope that it will make a big difference with his learning and a little bit of fear in case it doesn’t make much of a difference at all.
And so chapters open, and close and sometimes we need to read them over again to make sense of things. Sometimes things only make sense when the story is over.
There are sad bits in the plot and then there are those bits that we make sad because we choose not to be happy or let fear overtake the story. There are endings that are only possible because we have the courage to begin again, and beginnings that are only possible because we have the courage to end something else.
And there’s the in between… Kathy. X.
Are you usually sad when something ends? (Linking up with Grace for FYBF)