I’m an Adoptive Mum (not a Dance Mom)

Kathy Krugeradoption, gratitude, motherhood13 Comments

So it’s National Adoption Awareness Week and I’m proud to say I’m an Adoptive Mum.

Although you can drop the adoptive and I’ll happily just be a proud mum.

Our children came to us through adoption and we feel forever grateful that we get to parent them – always aware of the loss of their biological parents in not being able to parent them and the loss they suffered in not having their birth parents in their lives.

The gratitude is present every day (OK, so some days it can be a bit of a struggle), yet every day we’re just busy being ‘normal’ parents, with ‘normal’ kids who just happen to be adopted.

Regular readers know our story and may remember that time I shared the letter I wrote (with love) to our daughter’s birthmother as a Mamamia article, and copped some nasty criticism from ‘trolls’ who were anti-adoption.

So I shut up most of the time – I share the happiness adoption has brought our family, bemoan the guilt I still sometimes feel and don’t get into the politics – except in this post I wrote much more eloquently two years ago for National Adoption Awareness Week.

Things have gotten worse.

The number of children adopted in Australia is at an all-time low. With a 76% decline over the last 25 years, only 317 children from Australia and overseas were adopted in 2013/2014.

There are now more than 15,000 children in ‘permanent’ foster care who could benefit from adoption. And the system needs to change to give them that opportunity. They only get one childhood.

Adopt-change – the organization backed by Deborah-Lee Furness (and Hugh Jackman of course) has released new research into attitudes towards adoption – and people, overwhelmingly, feel positive about it.

And the campaign this year puts the spotlight on the Aussie children who are missing out on a loving, permanent family and home by inviting people to show their support – posting a photo or video of them reading a bed-time story to their child with the hashtags #15000stories and #adoptchange, in recognition of those thousands of children who don’t have someone to read them a bedtime story. 

There’s also a petition you can sign if you agree the system is broken and needs fixing – the Prime Minister has committed to reform.

And in other news – the annual dance concert is over (written with equal parts pride and relief) – but I have to put on my proud Mum hat to congratulate our Miss Yin. Being adopted, her amazing talent clearly doesn’t come from me (had she not been adopted I’m guessing she wouldn’t have had much dance talent at all!). So I reckon I get to brag with impunity, safe in the knowledge that there’s no sense of self-congratulations or reflected, vicarious glory. No awards this time (I may have mentioned she won the ballet award last year and most promising junior the year before, so I guess it was someone else’s turn). But there was plenty of fun and some great dancing – not to mention the startling realisation that our little ‘showgirl’ is growing up.

All boasts aside, I’m not one of those Dance Moms and I really don’t have much of a competitive streak or any overblown ambition. I’m not impressed that Miss Yin loves the dreadful TV series, but I must remember our little girl is growing up and she gets to choose what she loves.

I don’t know what her dance future holds, but I suspect that just like our adoption journey it’s going to be an exciting ride – and I know for sure I’ll always be a proud Mum. Full stop.

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT, Grace for FYBF and joining in for the weekend rewind too with Sonia, Bron and Zoe.

Namaste sign off_edited-1


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Kathy KrugerI’m an Adoptive Mum (not a Dance Mom)

13 Comments on “I’m an Adoptive Mum (not a Dance Mom)”

  1. Haidee@Maybe Baby Brothers

    While I was going through my infertility journey I looked into adoption and it was so damn hard! And expensive! So many children overseas with no home and yet they don’t make it a feasible option for so many of them. In NZ I know the number of children up for adoption is at an all time low and a friend adopted from China and had a 5 year wait time. It’s crazy!

    PS: Your daughter is so flexible! Wow!

  2. HandbagMafia

    They really need to overhaul the system and make it easier and less restrictive- so many kids could be placed in permanent and loving homes like yours. I can’t believe there are anti-adoption people out there- what do they want to happen to kids whose bio parents can’t raise them??

    1. Kathy Kruger

      I really don’t know what some anti-adoption people want – perhaps endless chances for bad parents to get their acts together. Sure the system should support birth parents to be able to look after their children but not at the expense of badly damaged children.

  3. mummywifeme

    I really don’t know why it is so difficult to adopt and why it takes so long. Deborah Lee-Furness is doing an amazing job to raise awareness and hopefully encourage change. Your little dancer is just gorgeous.

  4. Kathy Kruger

    DLF is very passionate and has worked hard – it is a shame that her celebrity gives people who are very anti-adoption another thing to aim their often nasty opinions at. We’re very proud of our Miss Yin – she is really stepping her dance up to new levels.

  5. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    I don’t understand the objection to adoption. As an adopted person myself, I can say it is really the least defining thing about me. It is a fact that I am not genetically related to my mum and dad, but this is the least important factor in what constitutes being a parent. I consider my family to be very normal and in fact, I am closer with my parents than many blood related families I know.

    And in this modern world, the picture of what a family looks like varies wildly. And I think that’s a beautiful thing. I look at you with your girls and I just see love. Creating new families through adoption is so special. xx

  6. Sasha @ Fromtheleftfield

    I’m still baffled as to why adoption is such an arduous process here. I had a dear friend of mine who tried for nearly 10 years to adopt, and was promptly told ‘adoption of Australian kids doesn’t happen’ by a social worker, and that the best they could do would be fostering. She was shadowed by social workers, monitored, tested, you name it. All to be told that initially she was a good candidate to adopt, then too old for a baby, then too old for a young child, and then not suitable. It was so heartbreaking to watch her go through it all. You have some beautiful cherubs there, and how fantastic that the dance concert went well… and it’s over for another year! 😀 x

  7. EssentiallyJess

    I would love to adopt. I know I have a whole brood anyway, but if it was easier, I would definitely look into it. There are so many kids in need, and it’s silly how hard it is to help them.

  8. Grace

    I’ve always admired your story, Kathy. Always will. Miss Yin is growing up so much, blossoming into a really beautiful young, confident young girl x

  9. Sonia Life Love Hiccups

    I just do not understand why they make it so hard. There are children who desperately need someone to love them and families with love they are desperate to give. It just does not make any sense 🙁 xx

  10. Druimé N

    Its a disgrace that adoption is so hard. With so many genuine people desperate to give a forgotten child love. I hope it changes soon. Foster care is surely not the optimum care for these kids? You Dancing girl is a beauty a be proud xx

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