Not a spring in my step, but a feeling of being weighed down by winter. Something cold and leaden in my heart.
The chill of August westerlies that blew through so quickly this year has settled in my soul, despite the early start to spring here on the beautiful Gold Coast with a run of sunny skies and warmer weather that has chased away any sign of the cold.
I should be celebrating (including my 1st blogging anniversary this week) not complaining.
But this post is sounding more like a complaint than a conversation with Spring. Sorry.
I can’t seem to shake winter, well not today anyway – not with a head-cold, feeling all hormonal from my period, and not when nothing I seem to do (at work anyway) seems to make any kind of difference. I’m at work anyway.
I suffered depression during those dark days of infertility, and this, the closing week of winter, is starting to feel close to that slow, slippery descent – only now I have nothing exactly that gives form and shape to it…just that sinking feeling….
So snap out of it – Spring arrives in a couple of days.
Under a big blue Aussie sky it is easy to see a long, relaxing summer on the horizon – if you open your eyes.
It’s not like it was, in Canada, where we lived in 2011 – when spring was held hostage by winter under dull, dreary skies for so long, that the season was almost over before it began.
The March (northern hemisphere spring) equinox teased with dappled sunlight as walkers squelched past on the sodden trail behind our backyard, the tops of their heads bobbing along happily above the fence-line. Some joggers actually wore shorts.
Hubby put up the badminton net, while other accruements of warmer weather in the shed awaited cleaning and summering.
But still the cold and wet and more wet persisted, broken only by glimpses of sun and warmth in April and May and then into June.
Eventually we did manage to capture spring in all its beauty, and that of a then 7 year old Miss Yin – as the season turned to the shortest summer of my life and she blossomed.
Me, I spent a lot of yin time during our exchange year in Canada, sponsored by Chilean red wine makers.
Don’t get me wrong, it was a wonderful experience and I certainly learned to appreciate beautiful spring days, and winter wonderland snow days and all the colours of Fall, and mostly the warmest days that almost qualified as summer. We’d call them Spring days here. We got to travel and I really did enjoy the change of seasons.
I held onto that fresh perspective when we arrived back home in Australia – but more than 18 months later I seemed to have lost it somewhere along the line.
Still spring is on its way – a time for growth, a new perspective.
And so I tell myself, in the conversations I have with myself in my head, that I have to snap out of it.
And I promise you, dear reader, that is what I’ll do – so that you can hold me accountable.
Here’s what I plan to do this spring.
- Converse more – talking through a situation always offers up solutions. But you have to be brave enough to own where you are. I need to own that I need to talk.
- Change my language – in how I speak to myself mostly – I work on this all the time, but those patterns of tired-old conversations are so hard to break.
- Choose my words carefully – I like melancholy (almost sounds like a spring flower) rather than depressing talk of sadness and despair. If I must feel something it will only be called melancholy.
- Smell the flowers (and search for serendipity – one of the most beautiful flowers of all) – if I have to buy myself flowers, then so be it (great idea Josefa)
- Paint my nails –damn it, I think I’ll treat myself to a pedicure this weekend (while I’m at it, I really should shave my legs)
- Early morning walks – I’ve gotten out of the habit during winter and I need to get back into it. Hubby has just started six weeks holidays (my extreme jealousy is one reason for my melancholy), so he won’t be on any night shifts and I’ll have no excuse not to get my sorry ass out of bed every morning.
- Increase my hot yoga – I love it, and it always refreshes me, despite the sweat.
- Make a difference – at work, where I can (and if I can’t well….), with my writing, blogging, parenting, relationships, community, life – it’s 50 years today since Martin Luther King delivered his famous speech – I have my own dream, and that is to contribute in my own way – I will be empowered!
- Practice yin yang affirmations and meditation – yin yang thinking reminds us that growth always occurs after winter. Always.
I’ve put together a collection of more than 50 affirmations and wisdom quotes, many with photos, into a FREE little e-book and an accompanying video to inspire you.
As you can tell, I need to affirm yin yang thinking myself and I really hope you can benefit from it too. All you have to do is subscribe to my blog list.
And all we have to do, any of us, when we feel weighed down by winter, or suffocated somehow by summer – all we have to do is talk, and listen. Just converse, over a cup of coffee or a red wine – share our problems, our hopes, our dreams. When we connect, we get a spring in our step.
So cheers to spring, and conversations and connecting with Always Josefa.