How much of your life have you lived in Limbo?
If you’re an average person you probably spend a total of 92 days in your life on the toilet! Apparently we also spend an average of 1.5 years doing housework (no judgment if you’re way off that mark, I reckon I am!). That’s time you’re never going to get back right.
On the plus side we get to spend over three and a half years eating – hopefully most of it is enjoyable. Then there are the time-wasters of too much TV and Internet and your life is disappearing before your very eyes.
For me I’ve also been living a lot of time in the land of Limbo – the days run into months and into years and you find yourself looking back (when you should be present) and wondering.
Catholics describe Limbo as an edge of hell place, just outside the gates of Purgatory. Gotta love some religious fire and brimstone!
I describe Limbo as a sense of time dragging and at the same time feeling like it has flown by. For me it hasn’t been an absence of change but a period of incremental change when big, real change is achingly anticipated and frighteningly feared simultaneously.
It’s both a comfort zone and a place of intense discomfort. It offers the ease of being lazy, but with pins and needles pain from sitting still so long. It’s a dull headache, a niggling jab in the side, a period of dozing even though it’s a beautiful day, but you have to stay in bed because the beauty is so bright it hurts your eyes.
I got very used to living in Limbo during our long infertility and adoption journey – so used to it that it became a permanent address.
And if I’m honest, while I’ve travelled on holidays, and taken some interesting adventures since, I find myself stubbornly back at that same postcode, wondering if Heaven is merely an illusion and Purgatory an inevitable fate.
For me Limbo is:
- Starting, but not committing to long-term positive habits (hello meditation, I’m still working on you)
- Setting stretch goals, but not always following through with the steps to get there
- Drinking too much wine, especially after a meh day at work, to numb something that I can’t really put my finger on anymore
- Comparing and competing, even though I know it leaves me feeling stuck in quicksand
- Knowing, with every fibre of my soul, that I have a true purpose in life and can make a real contribution to the world, but not having faith in myself and so selling myself short
- Having the ability to visualise the life I want, clearly, yet allowing myself to get caught in the fog and lose my way
- Giving in to fear because it feels easier than fighting for a dream, choosing ‘responsibility’ over creativity (or at least that’s my excuse)
- Feeling a daily sense of simmering (including anger and frustration) with ideas that never come to the boil
But I’m moving out of Limbo. Tomorrow I leave my almost full time (four days a week) secure, permanent job that I’ve had for the last four years. I’m FREE.
I leave behind the feeling of being disempowered and under-valued – that slow suck on my self-esteem and motivation, before it sucks me dry.
I leave behind any notions of ‘corporate career’ I once had, because that life isn’t for me anyway.
I leave behind frustrations and that horrible sense of treading water that have seen me yell and snap at my kids and take out my angst on my husband much more than I should, and numb out with wine and food much more than is healthy.
I’m moving forward with my yoga teaching and while it is not quite a career yet, is an important part of my life and an extra income.
I’m moving forward on a two-day a week casual contract, working on a great project, with people I get on well with, in an interesting environment – and I’m confident opportunities will open up.
I’m moving forward with my wellness programs – I’m doing the hard work of healing so that I can really reYINvent my life and help others do the same.
I’m moving forward with my dreams, with trust in the universe and myself, and serendipity is already finding me. She’s great like that.
We’ve been doing the hard work of landscaping our backyard down to the lake, after recently installing our new pool fencing, new tiling, and building a big deck. Everything will soon be complete and with the hardscape in, all we’ll have to do is look after the plants so they can grow. Which they will, and so will I. (Mr Yang did discover a water leak in the process, which ended up being a major plumbing job – moving forward sometime means taking a step back).
That’s how I feel, moving out of Limbo. It’s time to start really growing. It won’t always be Heaven but it’s further away from Hell.
Linking up for IBOT. And apologies for the blogging hiatus (it’s a Limbo thing).
How are you growing this Spring? Can you relate to Limbo?