The 12 worst things you can say to yourself

Kathy Krugerchange, fear, guilt10 Comments

Fat-Shame-Yourself

So this is my list, but if I were a betting woman I’d guess yours wouldn’t look too different. 

Maybe you’d change the order from bad to worst – depending on how frequently you find yourself saying (or rather spitting out) particular put-downs or wallowing in self-pitying refrains.

Something is worse if you say it often (move it down your list), worse still if it cuts to the bone. So those things you find yourself saying often that really wound – well you better tell yourself to shut the F#@! up or you’ll be bleeding all over the place.

I trash-talk myself far too much – my peaceful yoga veneer cracking into a million shards that I use to cut myself down to size. But I’m working on softer self-talk.

So here’s my dirty dozen, counting down to the very worst things I say to myself.

(Just to be clear I usually don’t say these things out loud – at least not when other people are listening – but sometimes I do – and when you actually voice such non-affirmations they become even more destructive).

12. I’m too tired – we can talk ourselves into feeling more exhausted than we actually are. Sure we’re all busy (I say I’m too busy too much too!) but I know I tell myself I’m tired when I simply can’t be bothered and when I feel scared and fatigue becomes an ‘excusable’ excuse. Only most of the time it’s not.

11. I don’t care – My current justification for saying this having a new teenager in da house who rolls her eyes and says this so often it’s rubbed off on me. Only that wouldn’t quite be true. It’s me backing away from the sensitive soul that I truly am, trying to create my own artificial shield to protect me against the things I can’t control. Only I do care. Probably too much. I wish I wasn’t so sensitive sometimes, but there you go.

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10. It’s too lateThis is my trusty mid-life crisis refrain and it blames time and amorphous external circumstances for the things I can’t control. I use it to excuse myself for the things I haven’t done, but worse still, to let myself off the hook in pursuing new things because after all it’s not my fault – I’ve simply run out of time.

9. I’ll do it later – clearly I’m conflicted. This one I commonly pair with ‘I’m tired’ so that my procrastination is somehow justified by a lack of sleep (or imagined fatigue). This is mostly fear talking, although sometimes I’m just being lazy. It’s insidious because things don’t get done and things don’t change.

8. I hate (insert anything said after this)I hate the word hate. But I still use it, muttered under my breath, sometimes vocalized. Sometimes I even hate my kids – I know bad mother – only in the next breath I don’t. I know hate only breeds hate and hypocritically I tell the kids not to use the word. I hate myself for being an hypocrite.

7. I can’t (insert anything said after this)Henry Ford famously said: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” I know I’m talking myself out of success with this refrain, foreshadowing failure so it doesn’t hurt when it happens. But it doesn’t get me anywhere.

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6. It’s not fairoften used alongside ‘I can’t’ as if something or someone else was stopping me from doing what I should be able to do. We all encounter obstacles but if I look honestly at my life I’m pretty lucky – life is a whole lot more unfair for a whole lot more people.

5. There’s not enoughI don’t so much think this in material terms of money and possessions, but I seem to have entrenched this thinking (ie core belief) when it comes to my ability to shine in the world – the idea that there are so many others playing big there’s not enough room for little old me, so I keep playing small. I keep forgetting the universe is abundant and ever expanding.

4. You’re not good enoughfor some reason I switch to talking to myself in second person here, taking on the combined persona of everyone who has ever judged me (never as harshly as I judge myself).

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3. You’re (insert any negative description)fat, old, a failure, not clever/wise/attractive etc enough (see above). Mostly the mirror does the talking here, but sometimes even without catching my own reflection I run myself down. All of this self-talk reinforces my flawed overarching conclusion of ‘not being good enough’, each little insult rubbing salt into a gaping self-esteem wound.

2. You don’t deserve (insert anything good said after this)naturally since I’m not good enough I don’t deserve good things – hey at least I’m thinking logically here!

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1. Nothing’s going to change – this is the ultimate declaration of defeat – because of all the excuses, fears and judgments I give voice to, I allow myself to give up. What’s the point.

So on that rather depressing note, how are you talking to yourself? And more importantly, how is the real you answering back? I’m getting much better at back-chatting! Anyone would think I was a teenager.

(PS this is Day 1 ‘list post’ challenge run by Problogger for fellow bloggers who might like to join in/check out the tips).

Namaste sign off_edited-1

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Kathy KrugerThe 12 worst things you can say to yourself

10 Comments on “The 12 worst things you can say to yourself”

  1. Kat

    Wow, this could have just as easily been written by me! Completely relate. How crazy that we all follow the same negative thought patterns and fight such similar battles. It’s always nice to know we’re not alone though, and your article serves as a nice little reminder for me to be kinder to myself — especially during challenging times.

  2. Melanie

    Ugh! That pesky voice in our head is so nasty. And wrong! I can relate to everything you’ve written here Kathy. I am trying to combat all of this by meditating, surrounding myself with affirmations and my vision board, and regular reviews of my customer testimonials. When I go walking now, I listen to inspirational podcasts and I try to limit my time the time I spend around negative people (I don’t need to take on their murk as well as my own). This is definitely a timely reminder that we need to shut the voice in our heads up, unless it’s telling us that we CAN do it :)

  3. Joel

    Negative Self Talk is such a huge problem, and I find myself talking people out of the negative talk so often. Even still while I easily identify in others, I still find myself saying some of the same things to myself. I have been getting better at flipping it around and bring more positive self talk in.

  4. Virginia Brown

    What an awesome read Yingyangmother!!! I loved it and yes, you took the words right out of my mouth. Not only love your talent but also love your honesty. .. thank you

    1. Kathy Kruger

      Hey thanks Virginia – so nice to have you commenting on the blog. We all need to be our own best friends (lucky we’ve got good friends who build us back up). X

  5. JodiGibson (@JFGibsonWriter)

    This is something I’ve worked hard on over the last few years and I’m happy to say that I don’t do it nearly as much as I used to. I still sometimes find myself saying ‘You’re not good enough’. So it’s always a work in progress.
    And I’m with you, I ‘hate’ the word hate and I try never to use it – especially when it comes to to people.

  6. deb dane

    I wish none of us struggled with this but omg how we hold ourselves back with all this negative chatter. No one has ever spoken to me like this in my life, all comes from within.

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