This week marks two major anniversaries in my life – the 10th anniversary of adopting our beautiful daughter (23rd) and the 16th anniversary of losing our baby (ectopic pregnancy) on the 18th. It feels strange, and I guess quite yin-yang in a way, for these two occasions to fall so closely together. We also received ‘the call’ to match us … Read More
We’re talking about it, at least a lot more than we used to. When I was struggling with infertility (I’m still infertile, but it’s a moot point these days), I felt so isolated. I isolated myself. Of course I knew I wasn’t alone – I’d meet plenty of women at the fertility clinic, faces that I’d barely scan and could … Read More
You would have been turning sweet sixteen right about now. Although you may have been a boy, so I wouldn’t be calling you sweet (handsome perhaps, whispered, lest anyone hear). In my dreams I imagined calling you strong, resilient, compassionate, confident – regardless of your gender. In my dreams I imagined calling you my child. I will never know.
Perfection has to be the most impossible of expectations yet I have burdened myself with it. Not, thankfully, in every area of my life, or I might just have sacrificed my sanity. I’m quite Ok with not having the house spotless (or even close), and with being on the lax side of the grooming (although not hygiene) department. In any … Read More
Do you love gratitude for its own sake, or do you practice it like you might have practised piano to escape the wrath of a stern teacher with an evil eye when you were a kid? Do you ‘do’ gratitude, like it’s a duty, in the same way we sometimes forgive more out of self-righteousness than understanding? Do you fake … Read More
My all-time favourite word is Serendipity. I like the sound of it, all five syllables of it, as it rolls slowly and sweetly off my tongue. Se-ren-dip-it-y. To me its happy singsong melody resonates with the sound of soft raindrops falling in a sun shower, signalling a rainbow of possibilities. Se-ren-dip-it-y – it feels like something good is finally going … Read More
I used to mosaic – as in cut up tiny pieces of tiles and lay them at random and in patterns to create beautiful (if I do say so myself) ‘works of art’ – pots, mirrors, picture frames, table tops.
Teddy bears are worth holding onto for (dear) life – you are never too old. Some things don’t serve you, like guilt, and shame and old socks and you just need to let them go, but not a treasured teddy. A teddy (or two or three) can take you through life’s lowest lows. You see when we think of favourite … Read More
Watch out world! I’m suffering an attack of the ‘horrormones’ and I can’t be held responsible for who I attack as a result. Well that’s my excuse anyway. (Horrormones are hormones on steroids – I came across this non-medical but perfectly accurate term when we were doing IVF and I was partaking of lovely hormonal cocktail each cycle – well actually … Read More
Do you ever get over the death of a loved one? Do you ever fully recover after trauma, or accident, or a life-threatening illness? Does divorce always leave love a little (or a lot) broken for you? Does financial loss always leave you feeling poor? Does failure always leave you feeling a failure? When you get a second chance, renewed … Read More
I should start by saying it was beautiful, just as the baby who will be my great niece or nephew (OMG) will no doubt be beautiful. It’s been a while between baby showers (if not drinks). And they get easier, they really do, but still…. Ok – first to address my faux horror at being a Great Aunt (by marriage I must … Read More
Australia, August 15, 1998 On the worst day of my life, the scan couldn’t find our baby. It was supposed to be the most magical of moments – that first glimpse of our child/children – an eight-week-old embryo or embryos. Just a dot sized shadow on the screen no doubt. Or double dots. The untrained eye would doubtless miss him/her/them. But … Read More
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