The secret to a 20 year marriage, more or less

Kathy Krugeradoption, balance, harmony, IVF, love30 Comments

Shortly after I push publish on this post, I’ll be heading off to a quiet little cottage in the Northern NSW countryside for two glorious nights of R & R. And I should add, SEX.

I should say WE too, because it isn’t much of a wedding anniversary without your partner and sex is hardly the same.

Two year’s ago I wrote about serving ’18 years to life’ as we celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary (well duh). Of course I wrote in typical yin-yang fashion about the balancing act that is marriage – balance that isn’t perfect but still feels right.

Two year’s further into our life sentence and I remain committed to balance. Things may not be finely tuned but I won’t be committed (into the funny farm) for trying. So far it’s worth trying for perfectly imperfect balance.

I’m talking about balance of the more or less variety. As I’ve written before, more or less everything comes down to less or more, or less is more. Maybe even sex, and certainly marriage.

More of this please – the tranquility of time away together (I’d settle for this place on my own too).

In twenty years there’s less sex than there used to be (no surprises). There’s less hair (hubby on his almost bald head) and probably more on his chest and the sprouts on his back (I shouldn’t talk – there’s the odd stray on my chin these days).

Mmmmore relaxation. And more views like this. Or just more time to appreciate them. More time to appreciate what we have.

But there’s more wrinkles – both of us – and less time. There definitely seems to be less time, and not just because 20 years have somehow disappeared. Life is busier for everyone now days and especially in this primary school kids stage of our lives. There’s that realization that the more time we’ve spent together the less time we still have.

I’m making more time for ME and I appreciate him because I know it means less time for US (or maybe he likes it that way). I appreciate his support for me.

There’s more yoga than I’ve ever done in our years together, which means I’m more flexible than I’ve been in years – something hubby seems to appreciate!

I can’t really say whether there is more or less fighting – the topics have changed but there’s the same old recurring themes – money, domestic duties, taking each other for granted.

But there’s also less worry that our arguments will erode what we have, because we’ve got this marriage finely chiseled by now and we’re still solid. We’ve smoothed rough patches and worn down old injuries. We’ve weathered lots of storms together (infertility, IVF, adoption etc).

And there’s some equations that still add up, more or less.

Love = balance_edited-3

Is there more love? I’m going to just say different love, mature like the great bottle of red my parents have put away for us as an anniversary present (and thanks Mum and Dad for looking after the kids).

There’s two nights of this and then the reality of the day after, and the next day, the next year, the next decade – and that’s more or less pretty great too.

So wish us cheers to 20 years, and I’ll let you know how Talaringa Views turns out (update – fantastic!) Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT and Grace for FYBF (and apologies in advance for my comparatively poor effort in blog reading this week). Happy Anniversary Mr Yang. X (and linking up for the Weekend Rewind with the lovelies Sonia, Bron, Kelly and Sonia.

Namaste sign off_edited-1


Kathy X

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Kathy KrugerThe secret to a 20 year marriage, more or less

30 Comments on “The secret to a 20 year marriage, more or less”

  1. Janet Camilleri

    Congratulations on your wedding anniversary and many happy returns. We leave first thing in the morning for our silver wedding trip to Europe, so excited I can hardly sit still!!!!!!!!

    1. Kathy Kruger

      Thanks Bec – hope your anniversary was wonderful (I’ve commented on your blog post so I know you didn’t have set special plans, but I’m sure it was still special).

  2. hugzillablog

    Congratulations on your anniversary – what a massive milestone! I was thinking awfully long 20 years is and then I realised that my other half and I have been together for FIFTEEN YEARS ALREADY. Sheesh! When did that happen?!

  3. NewLifeOnTheRoad (@NewLifeOnRoad)

    oh that looks amazing – and the views, stunning. Happy 20th Wedding Anniversary – we had the 20th year celebration in March this year as well…and yeah its 20 years of trying to work out life that has happened us to stay together! Life balance is a very tricky thing for me – something I am not good at but hey I try!
    And yeah hope you have a great weekend connecting in the bedroom, the bathroom, the lounge room and the kitchen – with great food, great wine, yummy desserts and yep the most important ingredient to any marriage – sex !!

  4. Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad

    20 years! Congrats! Glad you got spend some time away with one another. I love a good five star tree view and an open fire!
    So lovely to hear about what a contented place you’ve both found yourselves in together. I’ve been married for 3 years so I will definitely strive to be int he place you are in 17 years time.

    1. Kathy Kruger

      Thanks Vicki – on reading the comments I realise I might sound like its all ‘beer and skittles’, when there are certainly moments – good luck with the next 17 years.

  5. Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid

    Congratulations on 20 years of wedded bliss! Hope you had a wonderful weekend away and enjoyed the loveness! Looks ah-mazing!

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